MiddleEarth Gang Goes To Rehab
by Banshee Queen
Summary: After the Wotr, our favourite MiddleEarth gang celebrates with a party...or two. Their parents & legal guardians ship them off to rehab...but will trouble ensue?
1. Wake Up Bag Shot Row!

**Author/Banshee Queen: "Hello fellow Lotringers, just a quick note on what this fanfic is about. Basically, all our favourite characters; Aragorn, Arwen, Frodo, Legolas, Gimli (all Elves, Men, Dwarves & Hobbits included) are all put into rehab by their parents/legal guardians after having one too many parties after the War of the Ring which involved one too many naughty situations...anyway, as the chapters go on they'll be longer & the humour way more hilarious.**

**_WARNING: This fanfic contains, in this chapter (& future chapters) swearing, adult themes, sexual references & violence._**

**So don't say I didn't warn you!**

**Disclaimer: "I don't own any of the Lotr characters, they all belong to J.R.R Tolkien...a legend in his own." :D**

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**Middle-Earth Gang Goes To Rehab**

**Chapter 1: Wake Up Bag-Shot Row!**

**_As by Banshee Queen._**

It was 7:30am in the Shire when the heroes, losers and damsels in distresses of Middle-Earth were waking up to a most memorable morning on a lovely springtime's sunrise.

After the War of the Ring the bad guys had been vanquished, the good guys had been reunited and lived happily ever after. Good guys: zip. Bad guys: oh literally thousands lost. All those remaining in Middle-Earth and all those who were involved in the War of the Ring indeed were all reunited again and celebrated with a party in Minas Tirith…and then another and another…and another.

Indeed this disturbing behaviour continued on for two weeks, and seeing as they're children were slowly slipping deeper and deeper into this chaotic behaviour, the parents and legal guardians of our Middle-Earth heroes, losers and damsels in distresses came together and sought to resolve the problem by carting off their children to the merry old Shire. In some sense they were being rehabilitated and it was here that they would begin their journey on the road to recovery, discarding their wild party habits, among them smoking and drinking. All boarding a bus they were to be taken to the many famous locations/houses etc. of Middle-Earth and it was in Mordor where they would end their journey.

In the Bag End kitchen Aragorn sat sipping a mug of coffee, he along with his other 18 or so fellow rehabilitants; were none too happy about the situation they now found themselves in and _all_ protested once the idea was suggested to them. However, they failed, miserably to add matter of factly and before they could utter a single syllable more, they had stepped off the 'rehab bus' which just so happened to have 'Middle Earth Rehabilitation Centre' written in large bold black letters on its side.

A deep sigh escaped the Ranger's lips. In his boredom he had picked up the morning paper _The Shire Times_ and skimming over it with little interest had been surprised when Eomer walked in rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Abruptly he hit a low ceiling beam, cursing and stamping his feat in anger. A smug grin had suddenly appeared on the Ranger's rough features as he looked up at his friend with amusement.

"Rough night?"

Eomer frowned at Aragorn, scratching his head once seating himself at the low kitchen table. The _very_ low kitchen table.

"Don't even go there dude, stayed up till' 3am listening to Legolas and Haldir swap beauty tips. Then I hear Elrohir in the next room lecturing Elladan and Amras on chucking around a footy. And I'm not even gonna' go into the issue of the comfortable hobbit mattress I was tossing and turning on."

Aragorn laughed despite the stinging pain growing on his tongue. He had been all too eager what with the smell of his freshly roasted coffee wafting from the kettle and had burned his tongue in the hurried process of 'savouring the flavour'.

"Funny, I didn't hear anything and I slept like a log."

Eomer grumbled under his breath.

"Yeah well lets remember that you're used to all this…smallness."

A shocked look painted Aragorn's features.

"I can't believe you would say somethin' like that dude, I thought you were comfortable with my sexuality."

The two erupted with laughter, Aragorn in mid-laugh falling off his chair.

"Hey is there anything in Frodo's pantry worth eating?" Asked Eomer as he made his way into the hobbit's stocked larder.

"Yeah I saw some cakes there or something before, there should be though. These hobbits eat like there's no tomorrow."

"Ha ha ha, no doubt about that bro."

Shortly after Gimli walked into the kitchen grumbling to himself, all the while unaware of the fact that he had no shirt on. Aragorn briefly raised his head from the table, more interested in his cup of coffee.

"Hey there Gimli Son of Groin want some coff- Aragorn choked as his eyes fell on the dwarf.

"Shove off Isildur's bane, I need my oat-bran."

Aragorn goggled in disbelief and disgust at the sight before him, while Eomer who was concentrating more on the beams above his head, walked out of the larder with a bowl of cereal and glass of orange juice. They both shattered on the floor once his eyes fell on Gimli. Repulsed, the Rohirrim Prince attempted to shield his eyes.

"Sweet mother of the Valar! Dude, remember the shirt rule?"

Gimli turned his back on the two mortals (his hairy back to add) and without a word made his way back to his room located down the endless hall of Bag End. Eomer shuddered heavily as he proceeded to clean up the mess on the floor.

"Dude have you ever seen something as grotesque as that?"

Aragorn quickly shook his head, eyes still bulging with the memory of the disturbing image he tried blocking from his mind.

"Never, grotesque as that."

At that moment two small blurs bounded through the hallway, one jumping up to ruffle Aragorn's shaggy head of hair.

"Still not King?" Merry questioned sarcastically as he pouted adorably.

"Still not King? What the fuck Merry? Have you been at the coffee beans again?" Aragorn replied as he pushed the hobbit out of his face.

"No, but I see you have, man you need a tic-tac." The hobbit exclaimed as he waved a hand in front of his face.

"Whatever…"

Sniggering could be heard from the floor as Eomer cleaned up the last of the mess. Amras, a newcomer Elf also 'invited' to the Middle-Earth tour program, yawned as he walked into the kitchen. With a cheeky smile on his face, Eomer continued.

"Hey where'd Pippin get to? I hear he's in desperate need of a shower…"

"Yeah that's what I heard." Amras said, joining the conversation.

A shaggy head of ash blonde hair popped up from behind the counter, Fruit-loops falling from the hobbit's mouth.

"I do not!"

Eomer sighed, shoulders sagging as he rolled his eyes. Aragorn and Amras watched on in amusement, smiles widening.

"Look Pippin no one is in the mood for the shit you're gonna' dish out today and no one I know of _ever_ was in the mood for the shit you've dealt out so shut up and listen. Just because you're a hobbit who doesn't wear shoes and rarely washes, doesn't mean you can go around stinking out the place with your…personal essence. Get your ass in that bathroom right now and wash!"

Amras nudged Aragorn in the ribs, the two sharing a grin as they saw a frown pinch the hobbit's tiny features.

"Wash this." Pippin said holding up his index finger towards Eomer's direction.

"Oooo harsh Pippin, harsh." Aragorn said as he scraped back his chair from the table.

Eomer merely shrugged his shoulders as a devilish smile reached his lips. There was something wrong about that smile, Aragorn knew behind that façade there was something planned. Eomer was never really a gentle guy, except maybe with girls, but now that he was calmly stirring the tea in his mug…who knew? He knew for sure his friend had something planned.

"Meh no need to worry, he'll get his own back." Eomer calmly said as he winked at Aragorn.

"How?" Puzzled Aragorn as he frowned at his friend. Amras too was smiling over the fridge door.

Eomer laughed before beginning again.

"Like this." The Rohirrim Prince said, holding up Pippin's Halo game.

Amras and Aragorn watched on in amusement as the hobbit's eyes widened in horror.

"Mine mine mine!" Screamed Pippin as he climbed over the counter and launched himself at Eomer.

"Suck shit Pippin!" Yelled Aragorn as he and Amras both exploded with laughter, both clutching their stomachs at the sight unfolding before them.

Though before Aragorn could contain his laughter any further, Merry jumped over the table and launched himself onto Aragorn's head.

Now it was Amras who sat back and continued to laugh at the two of them.

"What the hell?" Exclaimed Eomer as he tried prying the hobbit of his face. "What is this? Raining hobbits? Amras! A little help needed!"

"Well I would, but I gotta' little prank that needs checking up on. Be right back." Called Amras as he started off down the hall.

"Oh man." Groaned Eomer.

"Yeah well you know," strained Aragorn who was still battling to pull Merry off his head, "they get pretty defensive over their games."

Suddenly Pippin jumped off Eomer as he held aloft his wicked prize.

"I got it Merry! Ha ha! We're the conquerors!"

The two mortals frowned at the little freaks whilst smoothing their shirts.

"Woot woo! Hey that reminds me Pippin, have you played Conquers Bad Fur Day? It's on Nintendo."

"Oh man you can't be serious?" Questioned Aragorn disbelievingly.

Pippin had not seemed to notice, he was actually thinking.

"No I haven't, we'll have to rent it out next time we go to Blockbuster."

The two hobbits bounded off back down the hallway in the direction they came.

"They always do that?" Asked Aragorn, a frown still splayed across his face.

"Pretty much."

Gimli in the meantime had walked back into the kitchen _with_ a shirt on and had started searching through the endless cupboards of the hobbit's kitchen grumbling all the while. Behind his back Eomer and Aragorn were trying hard not to laugh and failing miserably.

"Goddamit where's my cereal!"

Barely containing his glee Eomer answered him.

"I think one of those Shire-rats must've taken it."

A growl could be heard by Gimli as he grumbled to himself again. A shout could be heard from the hallway as Merry's voice echoed down the hallway, followed by some angry protests for more quiet.

"Hey! We're not Shire-rats!"

Another voice echoed his statement.

"Yeah! We're- The echo came to a halt. "What are we again Merry?"

An exaggerated sigh echoed down the hallway.

"Hobbits Pippin."

"I'm bettin' Sam took it to 'Mr Frodooooo'." Pippin said in a sarcastic tone.

The two mortals in the kitchen overhearing couldn't help but snigger and neither could the two hobbits down the hall.

"That potato-head inbred!" Began Gimli, clearly on a rage. "He knows if I don't have my cereal I won't be able to…to…"

"You were about to say Gimli?" Aragorn asked batting his eyelashes at the dwarf.

"Never mind." The dwarf grumbled as he made his way down the hall. "Samwise Gamgee, you've got till' three, if you don't give my cereal back I'll personally make sure you'll never see another potato patch in your life!"

The two mortals both shook their heads, smiling widely.

"Aaah good ol' Gimli." Sighed Aragorn.

"No no no, more like hairy ol' Gimli." Corrected Eomer with a grin.

"Dude no! Ewww!" Aragorn said as he shoved the Rohirrim Prince into a wall.

The two had made their way down the hall, intending to explore more of the famous 'Bag End' they had heard so much about. Before Eomer could complain about the quality of his third piece of cake, arguing could be heard from down the end of the hall.

"I know you took it! Who else would?"

Both mortals groaned. They knew whose voice that belonged to. Aragorn had described the person it belonged to as beautiful…and unforgivable.

"Why the hell would I take your stupid Pantene Arwen? I've got my own anyway! Pro V!"

And from the sounds of things, the Elf had just started a war with another certain Elf. This time though, a smile lit up Aragorn's face. Since the day they had first met his mother had told him he would make good friends with Legolas Prince of Mirkwood, son of King Thranduil, but he had thought otherwise once making the Elf's acquaintance. For one thing, he cared too much about his hair and what kind of hair product he was using while Aragorn on the other hand, preferred not to use any hair care products and preferred to let his hair grow wild and untamed, no matter how long, annoying and disgusting it may have looked to others. But escaping from the horrific memory Aragorn was confronted by an all too familiar earful.

"Oh yeah? Who's the one always worrying about their hair huh?"

"You!"

"Ehhhh wrong! You Legolas! And I'm gonna prove it!"

Aragorn and Eomer who had been invisible the whole time watched on in amusement. Arwen pushed past the other Elf, not getting very far in the process. It was then that the two mortals noticed Arwen was dripping wet with an undersized towel wrapped around her. Nudging each other in the sides, they both grinned.

"Oh no you don't! You're not going anywhere near my room, or my hair products!" Screamed the Elf as he attempted to block the doorway with his 'body mass'.

"Try me!"

"Ok guys- I mean girls, what seems to be the problem here?" Aragorn questioned joining the vipers nest.

Both mortals sniggered, unaware of the evil eye Legolas was pressing on both of them.

"He stole my Pantene!" Screamed Arwen, pointing a finger like a pistol at Legolas.

Eomer looked puzzled.

"Pantene?"

"Shampoo idiot." The Elf replied now casting the evil eye at Eomer.

"Oh. Hey no need to get all touchy about it."

"I'm not, but if you two washed your hair more often you would know what I'm talking about!"

Eomer and Aragorn looked at each other in horror, both voicing the same thoughts at the same time:

"We wash our hair!"

Legolas and Arwen looked at each other and both laughed, clutching each other at the shoulders for support. Both mortal's mouths hung open in disbelief.

"Ok dude, is it me, or weren't those two just fighting a second ago?"

"Yeah, they were." Aragorn said, voice barely a whisper. He still couldn't believe it.

"You wash?" Giggled Legolas almost alike to Arwen's laugh.

"Yes." The two said in unison.

"How often?" Legolas questioned.

Aragorn unconsciously rolled his eyes, suddenly tugging at the ends of his shirt.

"Most days…but we do wash."

Arwen smirked.

"Yeah right. Aragorn look, how can you expect to have a relationship with me if you don't even properly groom yourself? I mean look at your stubble! Who in Manwe's name would want to kiss that?"

A cough was heard from a nearby room as Boromir strode out and joined the conversation.

"Some people just don't know rugged handsomeness when they see it." He said innocently as he flexed his muscles.

Arwen shot a dangerous glare at Boromir.

"Watch it Daddy's boy, or that 'Horn of Gondor' will be shoved up some place where the sun don't shine."

"Oooooooo!" Aragorn and Eomer said in unison.

By now the whole of Bag End had woken up and Eowyn rubbing the sleep from her eyes, too joined the conversation.

"I so agree, I mean the whole manly-unwashed look was in like what? The Second Age? Not happening honey, this is the Fourth Age!" Said Legolas, who clearly was not finished in their debate of appearances.

"Pfft. Well what about your girly braids and plaits? That whole peroxide straightened look was never in!" Shot back Aragorn. Everyone knew Aragorn was passionate about his stubble, and everyone knew well then better to comment on how terrible it might have looked.

Arwen, Eowyn and Legolas all gasped.

"I'm going to tell Daddy!" Arwen shouted, stamping her bare feet on the floor, fists clenched by her sides.

"Go ahead Evening Mol-

Just at that moment Frodo and Haldir appeared out of their room's, eyes wide at Aragorn's remark. Obviously the debate wasn't going as smoothly as they had hoped for, and Aragorn hadn't done a very good job in smoothing things over between Arwen and Legolas' argument about who stole who's shampoo. Eomer seeing his sisters arms crossed beneath her breasts made to slowly back away.

"You know what? I just remembered I had some washing up that needs doing so I'll just-

"Oh no you don't!" Eowyn screeched roughly grabbing Eomer by his shirt.

"Oww Eowyn that-

"Do you know how much sleep I got last night? Three hours! I spent all night listening to you and your stupid mates tossing around that stupid football which was rebounding off the walls so loudly you could wake up the whole of Bag-Shot Row!"

Haldir and Legolas sniggered. Eomer looked scared, almost as if he would shit himself right then and there.

"You are gonna' pay for this Eomer! How will I be able to do cheerleading today with these bags under my eyes?"

"You don't have any cheerleading Eowyn! We're in the Shire! On a friggin' Middle-Earth tour! In bloody rehab!"

"I," Eowyn began raising a finger, "oh…" She ended sheepishly. After a moment her cheeks grew hot with anger. "What about the bags under my eyes Eomer?"

Every male standing by didn't need to know where this was going…a kick in the balls would've done it. And they were suddenly, without knowing it clutching their family jewels protectively.

"Don't worry, I've got some foundation that'll cover that up. Come with me." Arwen said taking her friend gently by the shoulders.

Both girls glared at Aragorn and Eomer before the door of the bathroom was slammed in their faces.

All but Legolas and Haldir let out a heavy sigh. Every male in the Middle-Earth gang knew better than to anger the girls, any girl for that matter.

"You know, I'm starting to have second thoughts on having a girlfriend, let alone her." Stated Aragorn. They all nodded in unison. "God its always about her! Wash your hair Aragorn! Watch the dress Aragorn! Make me Queen Aragorn!" Aragorn said imitating Arwen's voice in a high pitched tone. "Can you imagine when we're married and she's Queen?" He shuddered. "How could I live with that?"

Haldir looked puzzled.

"How do you know you guys are gonna' be married?"

"Meh Elrond forswore it or something."

"Ohhhh." Awed Eomer and Haldir.

"So guys what's on the agenda today?" Said Faramir around a mouthful of a croissant as he joined the conversation.

"Well actually- began Eomer, but was cut off by Legolas.

"I was thinking of getting some highlights! What do you think? Sunshine Blonde or Ash Blonde?"

All three mortals raised their eyebrows at the Elf's remark.

"Dude, what makes you think we even care?" Said Faramir. "Either way Legolas you're still blonde, will always _be_ blonde, and no matter what colour you dye your hair you will always in our eyes be a blonde dumbass!"

"You're so cruel!" Whimpered Legolas as he ran off crying.

"Ha, what a wimp." Laughed Eomer.

"You're tellin' me." Faramir replied. "Hey I don't know about you guys but I'm gonna' go get some brekky."

"Didn't I just see you with a croissant a minute ago dude?" Questioned Aragorn, feeling a little puzzled.

"Yeah, so? That was just a little starter for me." Replied Faramir.

"Ok, meant no offense." Apologized Aragorn.

"Well we've already had ours but second breakfast sounds good to me!" Grinned Eomer.

"Me too!" Shouted Pippin as he ran past the trio.

Aragorn smiled as he clapped Faramir on the back. Breakfast was definitely going to be interesting what with the girls and all.

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**Author/Banshee Queen: "Like? Don't like? Lemme know anyway." **


	2. A Plan Is Born

******Author/Banshee Queen: "Ok, chapter two is here guys. Much much longer than chapter 1 & I say to you now in all truthfulness that you are sure to have your decent share of laughs with this one! Read on!"**

**_WARNING: This fanfic contains, in this chapter (& future chapters) swearing, adult themes, sexual references & violence._**

**Disclaimer: "I don't own etcetera, etcetera..."**

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**Chapter 2: A Plan Is Born**

**_As by Banshee Queen._**

Complete silence.

Even though everyone was seated at the breakfast table, no one said a word. Word had spread like wildfire of the events that had occurred earlier on, and as said before, every male knew better than to open a mouth and comment. Woman always had a way of complicating things and always had a way of misinterpreting things too.

Arwen and Eowyn dangerously glared at Aragorn and Eomer seated on the other side of the table. They had been eating in silence for a full fifteen minutes before the _ring ring_ of the phone broke the silence.

Pippin jumped up to answer it and pressed the _'loudspeaker'_ button. Surprisingly, Frodo had little hobbit-sized intercoms situated in each room of the house.

"Hello? Pippin speaking." Pippin said in his most polite phone voice.

"_Aaah, Pippin, just the person I was meaning to talk to." _

A chorus of groans and curses rose up from the table as everyone sagged lower into their seats. They all knew whose voice that belonged to, it had sounded all too familiar. Pippin slapped his forehead as a grimace marred his usual cheerful expression.

"_Am I on loudspeaker? I have a very important announcement to make."_

"Yes Gandalf." Replied the hobbit in an exaggerated tone.

The gang shuddered, sinking even lower into their chairs. Just hearing that name out aloud was enough to drive them to reach out for the nearest bottle. It was he and Elrond who had urged their parents/legal guardians to put them in the program, and it was those two which they all burned with the desire to stick their heads down the nearest toilet bowl.

"_Patients don't forget we shall be meeting at the Party Tree in one hour. All patients are expected to have their suitcases packed and ready to board the bus. I shall be sending Dr. Saruman to check on you five minutes before the agreed time we leave. Be at the Party Tree 9:00am sharp. Don't be late!"_

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

The other line went dead as Gandalf hung up. Pippin slammed down the receiver hard and rejoined the table. Everything was silent as before.

"Ha, Party Tree." Commented Faramir as he threw in his napkin on his plate. "That's one thing we'll never be able to do again."

"Yeah." Chimed in Theodred.

"I mean it's not like we were taking drugs or anything," said Eowyn trying to sound reassuring, "we just had a few parties which involved a little alcohol, maybe a couple of bongs and…"

Everyone at the table lowered their brows at Eowyn.

"Ok ok we were off our faces, but we deserved it! We were just doing what every other normal teenager would do at a party! And it was only a few parties anyway."

"Nine actually." Commented Boromir who was picking his teeth with a toothpick.

"He he he, nine parties to match the nine black riders!" Laughed Haldir.

Eowyn and Frodo, who had both just recently been injured including a broken arm and being kindly stabbed _near_ the heart by the Witch King; shot him a heat-searing glance.

"Can you believe that asshole gave me a broken arm? I couldn't move that bloody thing for three months!"

"Lucky I was there to save you eh Eowyn?" Aragorn said in the most seductive voice he could conjure.

"Yeah, and it was lucky that I got there in time to slap you across the cheek Aragorn before the situation would've gotten any further!" Spat Arwen from across the other side of the table.

"Ooooo now we're getting goss aren't we? Tell us more!" Piped up Merry.

"Yeah come on!" Joined in Pippin, eyes alight with intrigue. "This is a side of Aragorn that we've never heard before!"

Both Faramir and Aragorn looked none too happy about it as they shot a dangerous glance at the two hobbits. Elrohir seeing the trouble that would soon ensue, cleared his throat.

"Ok well that aside guys, whaddya' think they mean us to do on this bloody trip? I mean we're supposed to be wild-party druggoes' who sleep during the day and prowl during the night. I think they've got it all wrong about us."

"You're damn right they've got it wrong!" Yelled Elladan knocking back his chair as he pounded his fist on the table. "It's payback for those bitches!"

"Sit down you idiot!" Cried Elrohir pulling his brother back down into his seat. "One of those bitches is our dad you moron!"

Elladan went red in the face as everyone roared with laughter.

"Dude, I swear you get dumber by the day." Choked Eomer who was still laughing.

"You wanna' back that up ho?" Screamed Elladan into Eomer's direction as he sprung up out of his chair again.

"Yeah I think I do!" Replied Eomer as he scraped back his chair.

"Oh-oh." Frodo and Sam said in unison as they scrambled under the table.

"Guys, guys!" Yelled Aragorn over the scraping backs of even more chairs. "The fight is not in here you guys, its out there." He said pointing out the window.

"What, out there?" Asked Gimli who had raised an eyebrow along with the rest of the group.

Aragorn swiveled his head to the right, only to see Lobelia Sackville-Baggins shaking her umbrella at Bilbo, who in an inaudible conversation was clearly protesting by the shake of his head.

"No! That's not what I meant here guys. I-

"Dude," Cut in Amras, arms folded and smiling widely at the Ranger, "where the hell did you get that from?"

"Shut the hell up and listen!"

Arwen nodded in approval before Aragorn shouted:

"All of you!"

The hobbits looked stunned, even Eomer who was one of his closest friends.

"Guys, we now find ourselves at the mercy of those monsters out there, who have taken away our partying!" Cried Aragorn, pounding his fist on the table.

"Yeah those monsters!" Shouted Theodred, Elladan and Amras all jumping up in the air.

Haldir, Elrohir, and the girls all rolled their eyes, while Amrod hung his head in shame at the sight before him.

"They're gonna' use us like food!"

"What?"

"Huh?"

Questioned Arwen and the hobbits. By now everyone at the table was confused.

"Yeah like food guys! They're gonna chew us, swallow us, and sh-

"Let's not go there Aragorn shall we?" Said Faramir clapping his friend on the shoulder. "Don't worry dude we get the point."

"Ok well now that Aragorn has informed us of the interesting details that will soon-to-be happening to us, what are we gonna' do about it?" Said Lothiriel talking for the first time.

"We're gonna' kick their asses that's what!" Theodred said jumping up again.

"Thanks but no thanks Theo." Replied Lothiriel sitting him back down with a hand pressed to his shoulder.

"Why don't we try reasoning with them?" Suggested Amrod.

"Yeah it sounds reasonable and would portray us as- started Elrohir but was cut off by Eomer.

"-Badasses!" Yelled Eomer jumping up to slap Amras' hand.

"And here I was about to say 'mature.' Sighed Elrohir.

"Amrod is right you know," commented Faramir, "reasoning would be the best way to sort out this misunderstanding."

"Do you think that 'reasoning out this misunderstanding' would be the best idea Faramir when it was Elrond who saw you with a vodka bottle in one hand and Eowyn's cheek in the other?" Said Elrohir.

Eowyn blushed a deep crimson and bowed her head mumbling incoherently. Faramir growled under his breath. Eomer who looked at the same time mortified and surprised stood up from his chair and looked down at Faramir in disgust.

"Dude you never told me you made a move on my sister. Eowyn you never told me about any of this."

Eowyn rose her head and looked her brother in the eyes with a clear expression of disgust, surprise and anger.

"What the hell? What the fuck did you expect me to tell you? That I got busy with Faramir on his dad's throne in the Citadel?"

"Ewwww!" Screeched Frodo and Pippin.

"Helloooooooooooooo! Aragorn, Theodred, Elladan, and Amras all shouted in unison, jumping out of their chairs and all yelling at the top of their lungs.

Haldir, Legolas, Elrohir, and Amrod looked just as horrified as Eomer, whose face was going pale.

"Shut up guys!" Yelled Boromir over the confusion.

Aragorn, Theodred, Elladan, and Amras all stopped their yahooing to look at Boromir.

"Or what?" Said Theodred walking up to Boromir.

"Or I'll fucking break your ass in two, that's what." Replied Boromir. His broad shoulders and muscled arms seemed to block out any light coming through the window.

"I doubt it." Said Eomer standing beside Theodred.

"Do you now?" Said Boromir striding towards the Rohirrim Prince. "Faramir's still my brother regardless of what he might have done."

"And Theodred's still my cousin regardless of what he might have said, not to mention Eowyn who is my little sister."

"Oh God." Groaned Eowyn who was now hanging her head in shame.

"Ok just stop this shit right now! I'm sorry I ever said anything about that. I can't change what I saw or what I said, but let's get back to the main topic at hand. And you four," said Elrohir pointing to Aragorn and the others, "sit down. You're all making fools of yourselves."

Surprisingly, all four obeyed and sat down without a word.

"Now that everyone is back to normal," Elrohir eyed his brother warily, "let's begin by saying that we need a plan. Any suggestions?"

"We could maybe try talking Daddy out of making all of us go through with this stupid thing."

All the guys sniggered but cut off immediately when Arwen angrily stared at them.

"Well you try thinking of something you dumbassess. It's not like you've tried suggesting anything." She spat.

"What about if we just run away?" Sam suggested meekly.

"Oh yeah like that would work!" Arwen shouted, towering over the timid hobbit. Sam cowered even lower.

"Whoa geez Arwen, settle down! He was only trying to help." Said Aragorn soothingly.

"Whatever." Mumbled the Elf as she crossed her arms and legs.

"Guys we gotta' face the facts," said Amrod as he stood up, "they're not gonna' budge. We all know Elrond is a tough guy and he won't change his mind about a decision once he's made it."

They all nodded in agreement.

"None of them are gonna' change they're minds, not when they saw what was going on at our parties." Said Eowyn.

"Yeah dude, I mean when Gandalf saw that bong in my hands…well lets just say I nearly died that night." Said Theodred ending quietly.

"The booze, the drugs, and maybe the sex," Elrohir said eyeing Eowyn and Faramir at the same time, "did not help us one bit with them seeing what was really going on at our so called 'hanging out' sessions. We all no that my dad and all our parents, guardians, whatever, aren't gonna change their decisions to take us out of the god forsaken experience which lies ahead of us, so the question is what are we gonna' do now?"

"There is only one thing to do in a situation like this." Voiced Aragorn scraping back his chair to stand. All eyes were intent upon him.

"We make their lives hell."

Smiles reached the lips of every face at the table.

"We make living with us each day a battle, we drive them over the edge, we push them to the point of exploding. Then, then my friends they will have to let us go and pull us out of the program."

"We'll put potatoes in their beds!" Shouted Sam as he stood up on the table.

"And live frogs in their soup!" Chimed in Pippin. Everyone knew out of the hobbits Pippin was the ring-leader of pranks.

"Whoopee cushions!" Yelled Eomer as he too stood from his chair.

"Who's with me?" Aragorn cried, eyes alight with mischief.

"Hell yeah bro!" Shouted Elladan as he practically threw his chair halfway across the room.

Soon the rest of the gang followed suit, with the girls, Legolas and Haldir the only ones looking reluctant to convert. Pretty soon everyone was on their feet cheering and yelling at the top of their lungs. Everybody stopped though when they realized Elrohir and Amrod were the only ones still seated.

"So whaddya' say guys? You in?" Aragorn asked with a smug grin on his face.

Elrohir and Amrod both sighed in unison.

"I guess if there's no other way, then yes." Accepted Elrohir. The cheering rose up again. "But we do this tastefully guys," he began again in a serious tone, "no shitty pranks that are sure to backfire on us and get us caught out."

"Agreed." Aragorn said as he shook their hands.

"Ok well what do we do now?" Asked Frodo innocently.

"Fuck look at the time!" Screamed Lothiriel pointing to a clock hanging on a nearby wall. "We've got half an hour to get all of our shit together!"

There was a loud chorus of chairs scraping back and dishes being piled into the sink as everyone scurried about the house like a swarm of ants whose nest had been disturbed.

"Merry! Pippin! Get those dishes washed right now!" Yelled Faramir over the confusion.

"Why us? Not all of this is our mess!" Merry called back.

"I don't care who's mess it is, just get it cleaned up!" Faramir yelled, a hint of irritation tingeing his voice.

"What if we don't wanna' do it?" Asked Pippin adamantly folding his arms.

Faramir growled as he was being pushed into the hallway by a tide of Elves.

"Then I'll pound your little assess into the ground. Just do it!" He yelled back.

Both hobbits pouted as they set about to the task. Every person had used at least two plates or a bowl including either a glass or mug. Yep, this was gonna' take a long time by the looks of things.

* * *

**Author/Banshee Queen: "Spare a review for a poor author?" _(Grins)_**


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